Categories
Daydream Madness Process Universe

Into the wild

all alone…

all alone… photograph by dev

I got a fever from this morning… with a serious headache. So I canceled some of work schedule and staying home right now. But before came to home I went to idb to buy some dvds and watching movies all through the day. I just saw ‘into the wild’ and feeling some wild idea in my burning head. Well from the very childhood I am carrying a dream in my mind… one day I’ll run away from here and will be lost from my known world forever. The movie was exactly about this subject. So I was inspiring and finding all happiness just in being alone. A promising young graduate run away from home and went to Alaska and lived in a magic bus for more than hundred days. He found his life so happy and free. But at the end before he died he wrote just one sentence in his book ‘happiness only real when shared’. I also found too many ‘buts’ around me. ‘Nobody cares’ is a favorite quote to me and I also try to believe it… though it’s always not true actually. I find too many people who really care about me and I also do the same thing. Ooo… just I got a message from one of my friend ‘she is really pretty’. So I think I am not getting the chance to run away very soon.

22.03.08, 10:45 pm
Categories
Academic Madness Universe

Breakdown

I got the mark sheet of bfa final year exam yesterday which made me realize how bad student I am. I was never a good student and to be true I don’t have the quality to gain a brilliant academic result. But I always like to act as if I am a good student… how foolish I am! After getting the mark sheet, I went to the chairman of the examination to ask him about it. I was trembling and I didn’t find anything to say… I could remember my works that I did for the exam and realize how silly works these were! Sometime I loose my respect to my teachers when they failed teaches me to respect myself.
needed 7 long years to gain this piece of paper…

Categories
Daily Work Process

unhappy :(

I am working with a corporate brochure for last several days… and I am feeling very bad that the work isn’t going well. I am thinking something and I could visualize it inside me but I can’t express it with my paper and pencil… It’s a very painful situation. I am thinking and thinking… thinking even in my sleep. I hope it’ll come to a conclusion but I don’t know when. May be soon I can show you something…

 

rough layout
[ these two drawings are some sort of my thinking but very far from the real one… do you have any suggestion? ]

Categories
Process

Love Around Me :: Love Made Visible

My concept about love has changed within last few months. It seems so easy, again more complicated than I’ve imagined. But it’s true that love made many things visible to me. I never find myself that much emotional before. I always kept a strategy – never tell the girl how you feel about her, just keep it inside you. Well, I had some logics for such attitude which are not working now.

… and it makes you feel that a rain drop isn’t just a drop of water!

The Wise Donkey

Love let you pick colours from whatever you see, it makes you concern that when the moon gets the biggest shape, and it makes you feel that a rain drop isn’t just a drop of water. Again it’ll let you find some pain that you might never felt… shed your tears no matter how tough person you are or even make the total life meaningless though you are very successful in your professional or academic life.

Years back I saw a movie Enemy at the Gate where the story was about two soldiers who fallen in love with a same girl. A war isn’t always a conflict between two nations. Love causes war too. If you don’t agree with me that means you have to fall in love very soon.

Disclaimer: Don’t take the war part as a funny matter – it’s serious and true. You can find hundreds of example from the history of the world.

Categories
Daydream Madness Process Universe

madness

Ignorance is bless… I often find these words very true. As much we learn our life become more complicated. Sometime I dream such a life very far away from here, out of all modernity, with very basic knowledge to survive. I’d like to pass all of my life with the belief that the things I didn’t see are just alike I’ve imagined. I don’t want to discover anything; I don’t want to ‘break my heart’. But my ‘logic’, so called ‘knowledge’ doesn’t allow me to do that. It insists me to do so what I don’t want to do. Last 7 days I’ve passed almost 60% of time in front of computer. I’ve worked for money, to buy food, luxury. My prehistoric fathers who might didn’t have so much ‘knowledge’ that I keep now, did the same thing. But they were happier than me. They just thought about the world around the cave, the people whom they could see. The earth was cool, resourceful. Some people say we are more civilized now to have a better life. They talk about technology, science which brings some difference between the prehistoric and modern life. But it doesn’t make any sense to me. 10 years back when mobile phone was a dream to me, I had some strange feeling about it. Now though I am keeping such thing, still have the strange feeling about some other things. It’s endless… more I am getting, my demands also increasing with the same ratio. So I find myself miserable when I start thinking about this. Actually I am such a powerless animal which is rolling with the time to an indefinite destination…

Categories
Universe

Boshonto, the Season of Flowers


It’s one of my oldest posts. At first, I’ve published it in my MSN Space a year back. It’s still one of my favorite pieces of writing.

Tomorrow is ‘Pohela Falgun’ – the 1st day of Spring. We called it ‘Boshonto’ in Bangla. It’s one of the most colorful festivals here. I don’t know why, but people use ‘yellow shades’ to represent the boshonto. girls wear yellow sharis, boys wear panjabi (i never do it, because it seems little funny to me)… mostly those boys and girls who are in an affair try to celebrate this day. it got a different meaning since last few years. 13 february is pohela falgun, 14 february is valentine day. so these two days became a synonyms for each other. we are a lucky nation…people around the world celebrate valentine day just for one day, but we celebrate it double day.

Categories
Beyond

The Obvious…

I am thinking a lot about this matter for the last few days. We are hurrying to a destination – willingly or unwillingly. There will be one day when I’ll be not here and it’s obvious. I am trying to imagine the scene; a world without my physical existence!

Will be there any difference? The human mind can forget or absorb some sorrow very quickly… it’s needed to survive. So how long and how many people are going to remember me? I had a friend who passed away at the age of 15 and to be honest now I just only can imagine his blurry face. But when he was with us, it was impossible to avoid him in any incident.

A religious person told me a story about life after death. When a person passes away us we bury him/her. For the first few days, we mourn a lot, pray for the soul, go to the grave and discuss a lot about his /her activities. Then we start forgetting… we start to remember him /her occasionally and after 1/2 generation, everything fades away.

At this time the God comes to the soul and says – no one is here to remember you or support you, now you are all alone. So let’s analyze the deeds you’ve done in your physical life. After hearing this story I tried to remember my grand and grand grandfathers-mothers. I could remember just a few faces among hundreds.

People say death is a part of life and we all are hurrying to fulfill this part of life.

Categories
Process

Photoshop CS3

Photoshop became a part of my life because I spend almost 8 hours with this software everyday. I am used to with just Photoshop 7 version though adobe has introduced some other newer version within last 2/3 years. Once I’ve tried the Photoshop CS years back but it didn’t suit me. Few days ago I’ve installed the Photoshop CS3 and worked few project there. I liked it. It’s much better than the CS though I still prefer the 7 because I learnt Photoshop with this version and I know it better. From the very first day I liked mostly three new features of CS3:

1: its revised hand tool which allowed you to scroll the canvas all around the screen and let you work at the last pixel of canvas.
2: option to create folder inside a folder and multiple layers selection option just with a ctrl+click.
3: cool interface.

I think it must have some other new options and there are some problems too. You must have to have a very good configured pc. It took almost 2.5 gb hard disk space and when it works you can’t work with other software properly. If you increase the history states and you work with a large file, it starts showing ‘scratch disk full’ message. Otherwise it’s a cool software and I hope I am going to like it.

Categories
Universe

Young Philosopher

Yesterday I was talking with my nephew who is just 8 years and old lives abroad. I asked him a random question what is life?

Life is when you feel happy you smile and when you feel sorrow you cry.

The wise donkey

It’s not a usual question for such young age and he even didn’t understand the question. Then I tried to explain him the question and he told me that he doesn’t know the answer. I told him life is when you feel happy you smile and when you feel sorrow you cry. He just shook his head.

Then I asked him the questions separately. He started counting his finger and answered me without any hesitation.

When do you feel happy?

  • when I do something good
  • when I come to my home and talk
  • when someone plays with me
  • when I am near to a sea

When do you feel sorrow?

  • if someone beat me
  • if someone kick me
  • if someone tell me a bad thing
  • find myself in a bad place
  • find myself in a war

I don’t know when children start building their own universe. Often I found their thought process much better than the adult.

Categories
Universe

Bandarban for the Second Time

This time I became sure that mountains are beautiful during the rainy season. Everything seems clean and fresh that time though leaches could suck your blood.

Its winter and the weather is dry and rough. We went through the same foot prints those we drew on last May [read the previous story]. But this time we were in a small group with less team spirit and glamour.

I had to fight a lot to manage the time. I keep recalling my memories all through the way. We reached the peak of Boga Lake by the evening of 29 December. We were prepared to face a hard cold but the weather was much warmer than the city.

The home where we lived this time was a cool place than last time. It was very comfortable in every way. On 30 December some of our friend went to the peak of Keokradong. We were out of all networks and that was the biggest relaxation. No regular schedule, no hurry, no boss, no computer, no mobile. Drinking water from the lake, having tasteless same food in breakfast, lunch and dinner with a great eagerness; trying to enjoy every single moment.

On 31, the sun set with great sorrow from sky of Boga Lake area. A deadly road accident happened on the hilly way to Boga Lake, took a death toll of 4 persons.

At the earlier night someone brought a dead Cobra. He said it attacked him on the way so that he smashed the head. It brought lot of excitement to the tribal and as well as the tourists. They cooked the cobra and many of our friends took it with a great excitement.

We set a fire and roasted a goat. On the first moment of New Year everyone start dancing. The night grew older and moon started shining from behind the big mountains. That was the nicest part of the whole tour.

Next morning we got up with a spirit to walk 17 kilometer way back. I walked the same way last time but this time it was too hard. The sun was burning all the time. Once it happened that we finished the last drop of water and had to walk another hour to find a water source.

All tiredness came zero when I took a long bath in the river Sangu. I am considering it as the biggest achievement of the whole tour. Ruma bazaar is too known to us and we spend few useless hours there. Some of us wanted to get back earlier to Banadarban. But most of us liked to stay motionless.

On 2nd day January, we start our journey back to Dhaka. There was a huge traffic jam on the way. Overall it was a great time… but not so great as it was before.

Ok, I’ve learnt few things,

  • He is a foolish who pretends to be a good, sober person all the time.
  • Out of sight out mind isn’t always true. Sometime you should go far to measure the depth of your sight.