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beyond madness Process sleepless nights weekend

limiting dreams

it’s very bad time… in every way. i can’t explain it and i can’t hold it. sometime it seems i am making it worst… why i am not ignoring it?


i was talking with one of my friend:

helal: wat u think abt nature:
me: i wish to die when i found it very beautiful
h: wat da definition of death to u?
m: the deepest sleep… i felt it sometime – forgetting about my existence… as if i am nothing
h: if u blv in religion – its not like tht – death is something different
m: i know that… but i have some other thinking – for bad the sleep is full of bad dreams – and for good… it’s painless
h: only romantic ppl speak like this – its not true – incorrect hypothesis – bad dreams and even pain vary among ppl – its all about how you preserve ur doings – because – dreams are projected from ur memory cell – if u can forget… dreams are always painless – some ppl even dont dream anything

h: death – some ppl await death

h: ppl die in some cases – even if they can take breathe
death is to me, the termination of some state
1. careness for anything/anybody
2. urge for any expected incident to be occurred
3. charm of life
m: well said – i agree
h: lol – and ppl expect death in some cases (except humaiyan the great)
1. when he/she finds no way out
2. when he/she cant tolerate the insult
3. when he/she loses the most precious thing(local idea) of his/her life
locality means the limitation of knowledge – wat he thinks true in local can be false in global – so as human being most of the time cant see the life as whole – his thoughts are limited
m: i don’t know so many things… but i am finding some similarities with my thinking
h: because in knowledge, i live in the same domain – so there must be similarities
m: to me… it probably could be an exit of the pain i am having now

Categories
beyond Process

The obvious…

I am thinking lot about this matter for last few days. We are hurrying to a destination… willingly or unwillingly. There will be one day when I’ll be not here and it’s obvious. I am trying to imagine the scene; a world without my physical existence! Will be there any difference? Human mind can forget or absorb some sorrow very quickly… it’s needed to survive. So how long and how many people is going to remember me? I had a friend who passed away at the age of 15 and to be honest now I just can imagine his blurry face. But when he was with us, it was impossible to avoid him in any incident. A religious person told me a story about the life after death. When a person passes away us we bury him/her. For first few days we mourn lot, pray for the soul, go to the grave and discuss lot about his /her activities. Then we start forgetting… we start remember him /her occasionally and after 1/2 generation, everything fade away. At this time the God come to the soul and say “no one is here to remember you or support you, now you are all alone. So let’s analyze the deeds you’ve done in your physical life.” After hearing this story I tried to remember my grand and grand grandfathers-mothers. I could remember just few faces among hundreds. People say dying is a part of life and we all are hurrying to fulfill this part of life.

Categories
beyond Process

time will say…

Sometime I find some contradiction in myself. I always pretend as a simple person with simple thinking… doesn’t keep any big ambition… always try for those things which are available around me. But practically often I find myself very complicated which either I can’t support or ignore. It’s a very painful experience. From my very childhood I grew up with a dream- one day I’ll run away from here and hide myself in an unreachable place… which I even don’t know. So I don’t keep a good plan about my life or I didn’t try to be an important person to my family. But now sometime I realize I am getting involved with some serious things that I never wanted to. I want to blame someone but don’t get any except the time. I used to recite the sentence ‘time will say’ but never looked so deeply into it. It’s a very rude truth…