Categories
dreaming love madness Process weekend

Miracle Happens

It’s really important to have some stories in life of being blessed – it’s really needed to make someone feel lucky. I should be thankful – my life is full of such stories.

sometime i really feel that i am here all because of my fortune – actually i don’t deserve all these things… that also frustrating! when i try to foresight my future, i can’t breathe… it seems more complicated… more heart breaking. i don’t know why but i just can’t find any good up there. now days i feel pain all around my brain. i know some other of my friends with the same problem and i think it’s a common rising problem of people of my age. few days ago at a certain moment i was dying for a place to let my sight vanished… a place to stand for few moments motionless. but i’ve felt very sorry to found that there is actually not such a single place in this city. i don’t know why i am still living… it shouldn’t be a life where there is no good ahead. i never wanted to see me so hopeless…

Categories
beyond madness Process sleepless nights weekend

limiting dreams

it’s very bad time… in every way. i can’t explain it and i can’t hold it. sometime it seems i am making it worst… why i am not ignoring it?


i was talking with one of my friend:

helal: wat u think abt nature:
me: i wish to die when i found it very beautiful
h: wat da definition of death to u?
m: the deepest sleep… i felt it sometime – forgetting about my existence… as if i am nothing
h: if u blv in religion – its not like tht – death is something different
m: i know that… but i have some other thinking – for bad the sleep is full of bad dreams – and for good… it’s painless
h: only romantic ppl speak like this – its not true – incorrect hypothesis – bad dreams and even pain vary among ppl – its all about how you preserve ur doings – because – dreams are projected from ur memory cell – if u can forget… dreams are always painless – some ppl even dont dream anything

h: death – some ppl await death

h: ppl die in some cases – even if they can take breathe
death is to me, the termination of some state
1. careness for anything/anybody
2. urge for any expected incident to be occurred
3. charm of life
m: well said – i agree
h: lol – and ppl expect death in some cases (except humaiyan the great)
1. when he/she finds no way out
2. when he/she cant tolerate the insult
3. when he/she loses the most precious thing(local idea) of his/her life
locality means the limitation of knowledge – wat he thinks true in local can be false in global – so as human being most of the time cant see the life as whole – his thoughts are limited
m: i don’t know so many things… but i am finding some similarities with my thinking
h: because in knowledge, i live in the same domain – so there must be similarities
m: to me… it probably could be an exit of the pain i am having now

Categories
dreaming thanks Universe weekend

its mine :))

my laptop


It was like a dream and my luck clicked just at the very right time. I have a laptop of my own now… it’s true. Last two days were required to believe that I really got it at last. It’s a Toshiba satellite a215 series with amd athlon 1.80 dual-core processor, 160 gb hdd, 2048 mb ram and 15.4 diagonal display. I got the courage to buy it after getting a handsome payment from one of my work. It was really tough to decide the brand and I was really surprised with the cost that here local vendors were asking. Its almost double than the asking online price. but I am lucky that way. i came to know about the clickbd.com and I find there this laptop at the very first click. I was sure about my requirements and I just decided to buy it at the very first moment. Then it took few more days for the negotiation and other preparation and at last I got it in my hand on last Sunday. I got it in a very convenient price which I even couldn’t imagine. I don’t know exactly whom I should thank. Because there were many people involve in the total story. I am grateful to all of them.

Categories
dreaming family madness Process travel weekend

Back to the beginning

its me… 1993-1997

#1: 1993, as far i remember this was my first picture that was taken in a studio. #2: 1995, i think this time was real wonderful time for me. #3: i was getting tall and thin…

There was a sudden difference in usual life just for few hours. After 3-4 months I went to my village to see my parents. There were some noticeable changes. The muddy thin way turned into a concrete black pitch way and motor vehicle took the place instead of the rickshaw. I was bit upset watching all these developments. Life needs some differences… I don’t want to see all the boring modernity everywhere. I’ve spent some hours there all alone… under the full moon, overflowing everything with the moonlight and for the first time I realized the moon also has a ‘rise’ and ‘set’ time like the sun… when the sun sets in the west, at the same time the moon rises in the east. But I think it happens just for few certain days… I don’t know why. Well I got lot of time to think about myself… my past, present and future. I left my village 15 years back… I was just a homesick kid then. May be that was the actual beginning of the loop… I am moving around circles which are changing their diameter basing on the perspective of time. After 15 long years I found the same homesick kid just with a bit wider and more complex circle around him… is wishing whole heartedly to get back to the beginning… for a fresh start. But it’s impossible … he is in an own made loop which he possibly can’t break himself.

Categories
Universe weekend

morning shows the day

‘morning shows the day’ it’s a good proverb to me. everyday when I set my first step, i try to imagine the whole day and the good thing is it make some senses. i could imagine a rough sketch of the whole day at the very beginning. often it doesn’t match and mostly it happen with the good things, like sometime when I feel bore and everything miserable, a surprising call come from someone which brings some happiness… may be very small but important. sometime the negative things also happen. but it’s a chain reaction; like good brings the good and the bad brings the bad… sunday is always an unpredictable day for me. it’s the weekend for me and sometime i feel unlucky for that. all other of my friends got friday as weekend. so mostly i have to pass a lonely day and i became habituate enjoying the loneliness and normally i don’t want to keep any schedule for this day. it’s a full free day and i want to do whatever comes to my mind. sometime i pass the day just as a movie day; sometime i go to see my grandma, sometime meet some friends or sometime motionless- only concentrate on myself, try to hear what it wants to say. one of my friends called me few minutes ago and told me that today i am having a very good mood. it’s true I think…

 

Sunday, home, 22:35