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dreaming family madness Process travel weekend

Back to the beginning

its me… 1993-1997

#1: 1993, as far i remember this was my first picture that was taken in a studio. #2: 1995, i think this time was real wonderful time for me. #3: i was getting tall and thin…

There was a sudden difference in usual life just for few hours. After 3-4 months I went to my village to see my parents. There were some noticeable changes. The muddy thin way turned into a concrete black pitch way and motor vehicle took the place instead of the rickshaw. I was bit upset watching all these developments. Life needs some differences… I don’t want to see all the boring modernity everywhere. I’ve spent some hours there all alone… under the full moon, overflowing everything with the moonlight and for the first time I realized the moon also has a ‘rise’ and ‘set’ time like the sun… when the sun sets in the west, at the same time the moon rises in the east. But I think it happens just for few certain days… I don’t know why. Well I got lot of time to think about myself… my past, present and future. I left my village 15 years back… I was just a homesick kid then. May be that was the actual beginning of the loop… I am moving around circles which are changing their diameter basing on the perspective of time. After 15 long years I found the same homesick kid just with a bit wider and more complex circle around him… is wishing whole heartedly to get back to the beginning… for a fresh start. But it’s impossible … he is in an own made loop which he possibly can’t break himself.

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dreaming madness Process Universe

madness

Ignorance is bless… I often find these words very true. As much we learn our life become more complicated. Sometime I dream such a life very far away from here, out of all modernity, with very basic knowledge to survive. I’d like to pass all of my life with the belief that the things I didn’t see are just alike I’ve imagined. I don’t want to discover anything; I don’t want to ‘break my heart’. But my ‘logic’, so called ‘knowledge’ doesn’t allow me to do that. It insists me to do so what I don’t want to do. Last 7 days I’ve passed almost 60% of time in front of computer. I’ve worked for money, to buy food, luxury. My prehistoric fathers who might didn’t have so much ‘knowledge’ that I keep now, did the same thing. But they were happier than me. They just thought about the world around the cave, the people whom they could see. The earth was cool, resourceful. Some people say we are more civilized now to have a better life. They talk about technology, science which brings some difference between the prehistoric and modern life. But it doesn’t make any sense to me. 10 years back when mobile phone was a dream to me, I had some strange feeling about it. Now though I am keeping such thing, still have the strange feeling about some other things. It’s endless… more I am getting, my demands also increasing with the same ratio. So I find myself miserable when I start thinking about this. Actually I am such a powerless animal which is rolling with the time to an indefinite destination…