Its the eid day morning but its raining too hard. Its good; probably its going to wash away all the sorrows, anxieties… brings freshness, happiness. Now its really raining too hard. I got up early in the morning… too earlier than normal days. I was walking through the silent village paths. It was before the rain… nature seemed bit different in it look. Its dawn but its dark cloudy… something mysterious cinematic lighting. It started raining when I was middle of the way and before I start writing I was walking in the rain. Ha ha ha… so poetic!
all alone… photograph by dev
I got a fever from this morning… with a serious headache. So I canceled some of work schedule and staying home right now. But before came to home I went to idb to buy some dvds and watching movies all through the day. I just saw ‘into the wild’ and feeling some wild idea in my burning head. Well from the very childhood I am carrying a dream in my mind… one day I’ll run away from here and will be lost from my known world forever. The movie was exactly about this subject. So I was inspiring and finding all happiness just in being alone. A promising young graduate run away from home and went to Alaska and lived in a magic bus for more than hundred days. He found his life so happy and free. But at the end before he died he wrote just one sentence in his book ‘happiness only real when shared’. I also found too many ‘buts’ around me. ‘Nobody cares’ is a favorite quote to me and I also try to believe it… though it’s always not true actually. I find too many people who really care about me and I also do the same thing. Ooo… just I got a message from one of my friend ‘she is really pretty’. So I think I am not getting the chance to run away very soon.
22.03.08, 10:45 pm
‘morning shows the day’ it’s a good proverb to me. everyday when I set my first step, i try to imagine the whole day and the good thing is it make some senses. i could imagine a rough sketch of the whole day at the very beginning. often it doesn’t match and mostly it happen with the good things, like sometime when I feel bore and everything miserable, a surprising call come from someone which brings some happiness… may be very small but important. sometime the negative things also happen. but it’s a chain reaction; like good brings the good and the bad brings the bad… sunday is always an unpredictable day for me. it’s the weekend for me and sometime i feel unlucky for that. all other of my friends got friday as weekend. so mostly i have to pass a lonely day and i became habituate enjoying the loneliness and normally i don’t want to keep any schedule for this day. it’s a full free day and i want to do whatever comes to my mind. sometime i pass the day just as a movie day; sometime i go to see my grandma, sometime meet some friends or sometime motionless- only concentrate on myself, try to hear what it wants to say. one of my friends called me few minutes ago and told me that today i am having a very good mood. it’s true I think…